


At Ease

by Milly_Blank



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Death, Jasper needs therapy, PTSD, discussion of tramua, steven in therapy, tramua
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:27:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23727547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Milly_Blank/pseuds/Milly_Blank
Summary: Jasper, even now, tries to follow her diamond's orders. Even when they're confusing and make her confront every piece of herself she wished would go away. How could there possibly be anything "better" than a life lived serving a Diamond?!
Relationships: Amethyst & Jasper (Steven Universe), Jasper & Connie Maheswaran, Jasper & Connie Maheswaran & Steven Universe, Jasper & Pearl (Steven Universe), Jasper & Steven Universe
Comments: 11
Kudos: 78





	1. Chapter 1

Jasper felt the warm sun beat down on her physical form. The sea breeze coming of the beach whipped her long wild mane of hair around while she stood, her arms folded firmly against her chest. There were pieces of the temple still scattered in the sand from her diamond's "meltdown".

She hadn't known what the phrase meant but everyone was being even more delicate with Pink Diamond. They were tiptoeing around him. She couldn't blame weaker beings for being afraid of her diamond's raw destructive power. She knew first hand what that level of strength can do. 

Jasper reached up and touched her broken horn. She ran her finger along it. When she first was uncorrupted the horns felt so strange and unnatural....now some two years later they were a part of her. A battle scar. Jasper had gotten used to scars lately. 

Suddenly the door to her Diamond's dwelling swung open. Jasper quickly turned and threw her hands into the traditional salute. "Good morning, my Diamond!" 

Her diamond furrowed his brow and let a small frown grow on his face. "Jasper. I told you not to call me that. You know my name."

"...But that'd be inappropriate, My Diamond." 

"Ugh. Whatever. I have to go to my therapist."

"I request to accompany you, My Diamond. You need a security detail and escort. " 

"Jasper I told you, you don't have to go where--" Her diamond began, before stopping his thought. He studied Jasper a moment. "You know what? Fine. You can come with me. Come on, if we don't leave now we'll be late."

Jasper nodded and followed slowly behind her Diamond as they descended the stairs and climbed into the small earth transport. Jasper felt her longer horn scrape the soft fabric on the top of the cabin. She tried to shift her weight as to not damage the thing. 

"Seat-belts" Her diamond said. Jasper watched him pull a strand of material around his waist and secure it. Jasper fumbled over her shoulder and found her own strand of material and copied his actions. "Thank you."

Soon they were pulling off the beach and on to a paved road. Her diamond fidgeted and drummed his fingers on the steering wheel. Jasper could feel the strange energy in the tiny earth vehicle. Was it still about the shattering? She was fine! Her diamond proved his strength! Proved he was better than her! Why would he be so uncomfortable around her? He should be proud! 

Jasper shifted her weight again, this time out of awkwardness. She wanted to reassure her Diamond that his showing his true power was a positive! A sign of growth! But she had tried before and each time she was rebuffed and shamed for even bringing up the subject. 

"My Diamond, request for information?" Jasper suddenly asked, as they were winding through the forest draped hills just past Beach City. 

"Uh...I guess. Go ahead? What do you want to know?" Her diamond sounded tired. 

"What is a 'therapist'?" 

"Oh. It's a person you talk to when....you're not doing well....or at least that's why I'm talking to her...."

"Not doing well...." Jasper repeated to herself quietly. Pink nodded. "Like your physical form is glitching?"

"No. It's...its not doing well mentally..." 

"Oh." Jasper looked out at the forests whipping past them. Her Diamond reached over to a nob on the console of the vehicle and suddenly music began quietly playing. Some soft piano plonked and plunked as Jasper ran her finger tips along the cold metal bits of the passenger door. 

A few minutes later they had reached a new earth settlement. This one larger than her diamond's "Beach City". They soon pulled off the road and parked in front of a small collections of buildings. 

Her Diamond let out a soft sigh. "Okay, Jasper, I'm scheduled to spend an hour here so....I dunno. You can sit in the waiting room I guess? It might be a little boring..."

"I'll be fine, My Diamond." Her diamond gave a shaky nod. 

They climbed out of the vehicle and made their way across the parking lot. Suddenly, as they reached a shady, and well manicured courtyard, her diamond stopped in his tracks. He turned around gently to face Jasper. 

"Jasper as soon as I get in there please no 'My Diamond' stuff? I told her I would work on telling you not to say that...but I haven't....so..."

"Understood." Jasper said, giving a firm nod. Why he was so ashamed of the title? He has proven himself worthy! It wasn't her position to question the thoughts and feelings of a Diamond but it felt strange and disappointing to refuse such a illustrious thing. 

She pulled the door open and held it for her Diamond. Reception waiting area was small but welcoming. Bright inspirational posters hung on the wall and magazines and pamphlets littered the tables. A human sat in the corner, scrolling through their phone. 

"Go sit down Jasper, I need to check in and let them know I'm here."

"Very well, my--Steven." Jasper cautiously made her way to a seat. Her enormous frame looked strange and silly. The human looked up from their device and gave Jasper a look for a moment and realized they were staring and quickly plunged their head back down. 

Jasper bit down hard and clenched her teeth. What was this human looking at?! She could destroy them! Crush them like a bug! Break them in half! You better look away! 

Steven come over and sat next to Jasper without a word. He had a bundle of magazines in his hands. He took one and plopped the others down on a table next to him. He was thumbing through it for a moment before a thought seemed to hit him. "I brought a few magazines. I don't know if you know how to read English...but i'm sure you can still kill some boredom flipping through them and looking at pictures..."

Jasper reached out her meaty hand. "I know how to read English....."

"You do?? When'd you learn that?"

"I don't know.....I did okay?! Just give me one!" 

Steven hesitantly grabbed a sports magazine and handed it to Jasper. She opened the cover and surveyed the table of contents a moment. She may have known how to read all the words but the way they were arranged seemed like non sense. Just words like "runs" and "points" and "labor disputes". 

Jasper let a few waxy pages slip through her fingers as she just looked at the humans inside. They were smiling and posing, or flexing, or heaving their bodies into some strange shape. Moments of physical exhaustion captured in still images. Even though she knew humans to be weak, in these moments they looked so strong. It was so strange to her. 

She hadn't noticed Steven get up to put some magazines away and grab more. As he sat back down he let out a soft sigh and just sort of stared down. 

"Lana! The doctor will see you now." with that the other human in the room found their way back behind reception. Jasper surveyed the room, watching the door to the back slowly finish closing. 

"Hey so..." Steven suddenly spoke, Jasper dropped her bright yellow eyes down on him. "Uh, while I was grabbing those magazines I saw this...I thought maybe you should look at it..." Steven fumbled a bit as he pulled out a small pamphlet from the pile on his lap and gently handed it to Jasper. 

"Living with PTSD......?" Jasper read. 

"Yeah. Uh, I think knowing more about it can help you Jasper....I'm trying not to help people right now but--I don't know. It might help...." Steven said with a clear tiredness he no longer tried to hide. 

"Okay." Jasper nodded and opened the pamphlet.

"Steven!" the woman who had collected the other human now yelled out. Steven slowly got up and placed his pile of unread magazines down on the chair and without a word made his way back. The door gently snapped shut as Jasper watched. 

* * * * *

Jasper fumbled with the edges of the pamphlet as Steven drove them back to the temple. They hadn't spoken since leaving the therapist's office. Jasper got the feeling her diamond wanted to be anywhere else. 

Jasper thought perhaps it was best she didn't speak out of turn. But she was confused and unsure and curious. 

"My diamond..."

"Can you fucking not, Jasper? I told you stop calling me that!"

Jasper hung her head and then stared out at the forest covered hills. "...I read this pamphlet thing you gave me...."

"You did?"

"Yeah....I'm um....not sure what I'm supposed to gleam from it, My Dia-- Steven....from something about some human affliction...."

"I thought it was only for humans too..."

"It was very confusing! The word 'trauma' kept coming up...."

Steven audibly gulped and then pinched the bridge of his nose for a second before planting it back on the wheel. "...I gave you that pamphlet so I guess I shoulda expected follow up questions... Look trauma is when something awful happens to you. Sometimes the awful things, the traumas, are so strong or so constant that it wears down on your mind. You dream about them. Think about them. Find yourself back in them even though it's been years.."

And suddenly it hit Jasper hard. She knew these sensations. But they've been with Jasper for millennia. It was normal. Just another reason to be strong and hard. 

"Pfft. All that stuff happens! It's normal! You just keep your head down, ignore it and punch!"

"No. That's not normal. I learned the hard way. And ignoring it is what got us both in that place we were in when--when I had to bring you back....I can't let that happen again." Steven's eyes were filling with tears. 

Jasper thought to keep talking. She had more she wanted to understand but right now she could tell her diamond wasn't in a talkative mood. Fine by her. She should just shut up and wait for her diamond to make sense of everything on his own time. She turned her head back toward the glass as a large sign welcomed them to Beach City. 

* * * * *

After they returned to the Crystal Gems' temple her diamond quietly said he was going to rest in his quarters. That was some hours ago. Jasper, from her post on the porch, had watched the high sun slowly slink back behind the foothills and cast a soft warm orange glow across the sky. 

"Jasper?" Suddenly a voice got her attention. How long had she been looking at silly Earth light shows?? She let out a small grunt and turned her attention down to the small Amethyst making her way up the steps. "What ya doin' out here?"

Jasper took a moment. This was a member of her diamond's court. She had to be delicate with her. Play it cool and calm. Make a good impression.

"What's it to YOU, runt!" 

Good. Good Job. Perfect. Jasper quickly tensed and dropped her head realizing she snapped instantly. The Amethyst seemed clearly frustrated but seemingly was taking that response in stride. 

"None of my business, I guess, Jasp. Sorry I interrupted your sunset watching. I'm gonna head to my room." Amethyst gave a small wave and turned to open the door. 

"Wait!" 

Amethyst turned around. "What's up?"

"Uh, our Diamond gave me something from the 'therapist'" Jasper said, fumbling and pulling the now bent pamphlet out of her gem. 

"Did he, now?"

"He thought it could uh, help me...."

"That boy! He knows he's strictly prohibited from helping people!" Amethyst huffed to herself before turning her full attention to Jasper. 

"He gave me this, uh, pamphlet. I'm not sure what it's supposed to do for me. I'm trying to understand his command but I--I don't get it...."

Amethyst took the pamphlet and looked at it and then back to Jasper and thumbed through it a bit. "Steven didn't give you a command...."

"He did too! He told me 'do something better with your life'! I know now I need to know my diamond. Know what is good! What is better! Maybe this is a clue!" Jasper clenched her hand into a determined fist. 

"No. He legit wants you to be your own person and heal. That's why he gave you this thing. If you want we can use Pearl's laptop and look up this PTSD stuff...." Amethyst turned back toward the door and gestured for Jasper to follow her. She stopped with her hand on the knob. "...if anyone asks we got permission to use the laptop."


	2. Chapter 2

The small Amethyst's fingers clacked at the keyboard of the laptop while Jasper, unsure of what to do with herself while she waited, leaned against the a wall. Amethyst sat on the couch, her legs folded up under her. The Living room was a cool dark blue, aside from the small pool of warm yellow light from a single lamp Amethyst had clicked on to keep her eyes from straining. 

"Oh!" The pint sized gem let out an excited cry.

"What?" Jasper asked, uncrossing her arms and stepping forward.

"This guy on TubeTube who does super rad guitar covers put out a new video of a song I like!" Amethyst said, a big grin on her face. 

"What?! Whatever! Forget your tubes! This is supposed to be an information inquiry for me!" Jasper pointed her meaty thumb back at herself. 

"Yeah yeah yeah. I know......add to 'watch later'...." Amethyst quickly clicked and then moved to a new tab. "Let's see here. P-T-S-D..." Pages and pages of data loaded nearly instantly. Jasper watched from her spot against the wall, as Amethyst's eyes scanned over the various links and preview texts. 

"Well?!" Jasper said, her voice impatient.

"Uh...'Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. A condition in which a person has difficulty recovering from experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event...' oh geez..." 

"Pfft. I have no difficulty doing anything!" 

"Not sure that's true, bud."

"Whatever...what else does the stupid Human information....thing say?"

"Uh let's see....symptoms. Oh this list looks a little more detailed than the pamphlet. 'Negative thoughts about yourself or other people or the world'?" Amethyst looked up over shoulder at Jasper then back down to the monitor. "Check."

Jasper let out a little growl and turned her head away as she listened. 

"Are you 'hopeless about the future'?"

"Thinking about the future is pointless..."

"'Difficulty maintaining close relationships, feeling detached from family and friends, feeling emotionally numb...'" 

Jasper's silence felt heavy. Even she could feel it. Amethyst took it to mean the symptoms list was hitting hard with Jasper. 

"'Always being on guard for danger, self destructive behavior like starting fights or drinking too much....being easily startled or scared--''

"...I'm scared of nothing...." Jasper said, mostly to herself. 

"'Irritability, angry outbursts or aggressive behavior, feelings of guilt and shame...'"

"I don't feel any shame!" Jasper said, way too quickly. 

Amethyst leaned back a bit and let out a soft sigh. A look of slight concern colored her face as she looked up at Jasper before giving a gentle smile. "You know it's okay if you do right?"

Jasper grumbled. "Shut up..." 

"Wanna sit over on the couch by me? You can read along with me and point out any stuff that you find confusing?"

Jasper thought for a moment and then without a word plopped down on the edge of the couch next to Amethyst. For a few moments Amethyst scrolled through pages of information while Jasper scanned it, sometimes asking her to slow down or to wait for her to re read things or to click this link or that. Jasper took a note of how often "combat trauma" was mentioned. 

"....some might seek out relationships with people who hurt them because it feels familiar...." Jasper read out loud, softly. 

"Yikes..." Amethyst said, clearly realizing it was kind of insensitive the moment she said it. She took a moment and tried to chose her words carefully. "This sorta feels like why you wanna be around Steven..."

"...And Lapis...." Jasper stood and paced in front of the warp pad. 

Jasper suddenly let out a guttural growl and sat hard on to the ground. Her weight shook the house slightly with a thud. 

"Hey! watch it! Steven's napping upstairs!" Amethyst said, giving a frantic wave of her arms. 

Jasper looked up at the stairs a moment and the dropped her eyes to the ground beneath her. Feelings crashed in Jasper's head. All the memory of being Malachite and feeling Lapis' chains on her throat. The sickening crack sound her own gem made as it shattered under a wall of pink......the dozens of times she watched her comrades dissipated by foes and crushed by her superiors. Vivid ghosts dancing for her eyes only. They traced their way across her eyes as she stared at the cracked tile under her. 

Suddenly the door to the beach house swung open gently and in stepped Connie carrying a big grocery bag and a box of DVDs. She had a small, tired smile on her face, but that dropped when she saw Jasper on the floor in front of her. 

Amethyst was idly scrolling on the laptop but noticing Connie she gave a friendly wave. "Hey Connie!" Amethyst then noticed Connie noticed Jasper. And that they both were just intensely staring at each other. "Uh yeah.....Jasper's hanging out."

"Is she now?" Connie said, her tone dripping with suspicion. 

"Yeah. We were looking up stuff on the laptop."

"We have permission to use it!" Jasper said quickly but firmly. 

Amethyst couldn't help but let out a little snort of amusement at Jasper's awkwardly specific declaration. She leaned back and put her arms up behind her head. "Jasper wanted to know stuff about PTSD....."

Connie's eyes widened a little and then her face softened a bit. "She did?....why?"

"Steven said maybe looking into it would be good for her."

"What?! I told him in no uncertain terms he's not supposed to be helping people!" 

Amethyst shrugged weakly. "Yeah I know, I know. That kid is incorrigible...."

"Well, regardless, I brought him some snacks and my DVD box-set of the original run of Under the Knife." Connie said, placing the items on the kitchen table gently. 

Jasper still just stared at Connie. Her yellow eyes cut into her like a blade. Connie drew a heavy breath and then slowly and deliberately took one of the kitchen chairs with her out toward the living room and sat forming a little triangle between her, Amethyst on the couch and Jasper on the floor in front of the warp pad. 

There was this strange tension. Jasper could feel the back of her neck tingle. This human, if only part of a fusion with her diamond, is one of the few being to beat her in a fight....but then again so was the runt Amethyst.....part of a fusion with her diamond.....their diamond. Why was she thinking of fusion of all things?! Why now?!

Suddenly the room grew cold. Dark. The figures faded. The walls stripped themselves in shades of ocean water. Sickening stale greens and dark swirling blue. Jasper gasped for air. But there was none. The chains were back around her wrists. There was no escape. 

"JASPER!" The human roared as, suddenly she appeared back in the world. Jasper shook and trembled and was frozen as the colors settled and the sensation of swallowing water faded. The human was closer now, cautiously, her hands up at her chest and palms out, she approached Jasper. "Jasper....are you okay?"

Jasper now found she could move again. Slowly she shook her body a little to make sure it still felt real. She looked up at Amethyst and saw she had left her seat and was looking at Jasper with intense concern. Tears in her eyes. 

"I'm--fine." Jasper weakly said, her voice raspy and unsure. 

"Uh-- Are you sure, sis, because you sort of zoned out and then started shaking and screaming..."

"And tearing at the ground...."

Jasper looked down and saw she had peeled at the stone near the warp pad and splintered it with her bare claws. Suddenly Jasper climbed to her feet and stumbled away from the damage. It was then she noticed she was crying. No! no no no no. Not ever! Not in front of them! Not in front of anyone! 

"Jasper, how about we find you a nice place to lay down a little bit? Rest?" Amethyst said, coming closer to Jasper with reaching out her hand. 

"No!" Jasper shouted, pulling her fingers through her mane and against her horns. She squeezed at her head as if trying to reset all of this and make the feelings go away. 

"I think it's a good idea, Jasper...." The human spoke, the distrust vacant from her tone, replaced with a calm caring. It was annoying. But Jasper focused on it. "Now I need you to do me a favor and look at me?"

Jasper felt a small sense of relief. She hadn't known why. She let her hands drop to her sides and noticed the claws on her hands shift back to normal. How long had she been doing that? She took a moment to steal herself and then turn her attention down on the human.

Jasper expected fear but instead found a slight smile and tired eyes. "Good. Now tell me some things you see in the room."

Jasper let out a slow exhale as her eyes darted across the room. "Uh....A human cooling device....a table.....Amethyst....a door....uh..."

"What about some stuff you can touch?" 

Jasper cocked an eyebrow but seemingly felt too tired to argue with the puny thing giving her slow and quiet guidance. "Uh-- can i touch stuff?"

"Yeah touch stuff!" Amethyst chimed in with a large smile. 

"Okay..." Jasper slowly wandered the room. "Uh...I can touch myself I guess..." Jasper gently ran a finger against her own hair a moment. "I can touch a lamp....and a chair....and uh....water...basin thing..."

"A sink." Amethyst said. 

Jasper nodded. "Right, a sink." Jasper slowly realized her head felt a bit clearer and the ache was quieting. She made her way to the couch and sat. The other two gave each other a small look and then turned back to Jasper. 

"Jasper did you want to maybe stay in my room tonight? There's a few nice big beds in there!....if you give me a minute or two to dig them out...."

Jasper slowly remembered she had cried in front of others. In front of a runt and a human. Her chest tightened . "Why are you being so dainty and delicate with me, huh?!"

"It's called giving a shit, Jasper." Connie said, firmly. Jasper scoffed and then hung her head. 

"I don't deserve it...." Jasper slowly got to her feet and headed for the door. 

"I don't think you should be alone right now! You just had a very intense flashback and already was unknowingly hurting yourself! Stay and hang out with Amethyst! It could be fun!" 

"Yeah! We could have a sister night!" Amethyst said, throwing her hands into the air. 

Jasper slowly turned around and looked at them both a moment. "What's a sister night?"


	3. Chapter 3

Piles of old bird cages and hard oak cribs swayed and shifted on top of stacks of decades-old newspapers and incomplete motorcycle parts. Jasper watched a stuffed panther head fly into a pit of empty soda bottles. Amethyst let out little grunts of exertion as she tugged at pieces of odds and ends. 

"Just one second Jasp! I almost got 'er!" With that the pint-sized gem gave one last mighty yank and suddenly she had pulled an enormous bed frame and mattress out from under the mess. "Ta-daaaa!"

Jasper clung to the pile of blankets and sheets she had folded against her chest as she watched Amethyst excitedly pick up the pillows they brought in from house. She threw them onto the bare mattress haphazardly before rushing off deeper into her room. 

"Where are you going?" Jasper found herself calling after her. 

"I'm grabbin' my laptop so we can listen to music or whatever!" Quickly she was digging again. This time in a section that felt at least a little more maintained than some of the larger piles Jasper saw. 

Jasper's gaze wandered around the towers of junk surrounding her. She wondered if these were all sentimental to Amethyst. Was some of this practical? In Jasper's cave she had all she needed. A few tarps, a blanket and a place to rest when training started to hurt. 

Amethyst came bouncing back. "Got it!" She was holding a near identical human information device as the one in the house. 

"Wait...if you have one of those laptop things why'd we have to use the Pearl's?"

"I dunno. Her's is better! ...plus it's just fun to use Pearl's stuff." She chuckled to herself. "Wanna sit down?"

"Okay." Jasper slowly and deliberately made her way to the bed and sat at the edge. She delicately laid the pile of blankets on her lap. She wasn't sure why but moving felt strange. Like wadding through thick mud. 

Amethyst threw herself onto the center of the bed and turned herself to face Jasper and opened her laptop. "So! Me and the Famethyst...Oh! Those are the other Earth quartzes I met on the zoo! Anyway! Sometimes we like to just get together and you know, have a sister night! Just shoot the shit! Just talk about stuff! Show each other cool Earth stuff or share music! You know just have a nice time with your sisters!" Amethyst said, excitedly typing at her laptop. 

"What's a sister?"

"Hmm....well, for humans it's someone who shares a parent....I mean even for us Earth gems it's kinda the same way, I think. We all share the same place. All made by the same thing. "

"Pink Diamond." Jasper quietly said. 

"...Well yeah....but I also meant the Earth. You may think it's a crummy place, but I dunno...I like it a lot."

"I think I hate it."

"Yeah. You've said as much before, Jasp..."

"I know. I mean it now, though..."

Amethyst took a moment and looked at Jasper slowly fidget with her clothes and the blankets. Jasper kept her eyes off of Amethyst. It felt like she couldn't bare to look at her and talk to her at the same time. She shouldn't even be talking to her! She should leave! Be alone! Alone is safe! Alone is how it's done! 

"Did you want to listen to a song I like?" Amethyst asked. 

"Okay." 

Amethyst clicked and then a soft guitar started to strum. The slow, visceral vibrations found their ways along the piles and stacks. It was warm. But sad. Amethyst leaned back and closed her eyes. Jasper looked down at her and watched her small leg, propped up on her other knee, sway to the beat. 

Jasper slowly leaned back and let her back drop to the mattress. Her wild hair dropping over the edges of the bed and barely touching the ground. For some reason her horn ached. 

"I think our Diamond hates me...." Jasper found herself saying. 

"He doesn't hate you, Jasper. You just remind him of stuff...Its the same way you probably feel when you're near Lapis..."

"...I don't let myself be near Lapis...If our Diamond didn't hate me he'd let me serve him!" Jasper spat, shouting up at the near infinite ceiling. 

"Steven doesn't want people serving him, Jasp..."

"THEN WHY DID HE BRING ME BACK?!" 

Goddammit! She was doing it again! She was crying! Just bawling her eyes out. She couldn't stop the tears. They just poured down her cheeks. Jasper threw her hand over her mouth and began to shudder as she wept. 

The soft shaking of the bed made Amethyst open her eyes. She quickly crawled over to Jasper and put her hand on her shoulder, while being careful of not getting in her face. Jasper sucked in air and just rolled over into Amethyst for a moment. She just needed to feel another being for a second. Know she's real. 

Awkwardly, Jasper laid with her ribs pressed against Amethyst's knee. While Amethyst gently patted Jasper's shoulder, watching her cry what seemed to be a lifetime's worth of tears. 

* * * * * * 

Jasper's eyes fluttered open. She slept? She didn't remember falling asleep. She used to sleep in her cave at night sometimes, to pass the time. Suddenly she bolted up right and saw the trash piles surrounding her. 

Jasper felt the cloudiness was nearly gone from her head, but she couldn't help but shake thinking about how long she had cried in front of the Amethyst. How she had ended up in her arms and sobbing. God, how had she gotten so weak so fast?!

Jasper let out a growl and ran her fingers through her hair. Suddenly, a large tire shook in a pile near the bed and Amethyst crawled out from under it looking at a small earth device. 

"Do you live in Earth trash?!" Jasper scoffed. 

"Yep. Only way to be. Just life, love, and a pile of meaningless garbage to sleep in."

Jasper got to her feet and headed toward the door. "Let me out, runt." She said gesturing to open it. 

"Oh, right..." Amethyst's gem glowed and the door split and opened with a slight pop, while Amethyst ran her finger along the device. She let out some small chuckles. 

Jasper made her way back into the beach house, Amethyst close behind her. Jasper stepped over the warp pad and down onto the dent she left in the ground. Someone had come along and swept up the splinters of stone. 

Jasper lifted her gaze and found the Pearl scrubbing the counter top. 

"Oh good! Amethyst! You're awake! I was just going to pick up some supplies and I was wondering if you--oh my!" Pearl had turned expecting to see Amethyst and instead found Jasper standing there. 

Amethyst slowly appeared from behind Jasper, still scrolling on her device. "What's up, P?"

"Uh....why is Jasper here, Amethyst?"

"She spent the night in my room! We had a sister night!"

Pearl looked at Jasper, and then down to Amethyst and then back to Jasper as if to work out if this was some elaborate joke. Jasper simply looked back down at the ground. 

"Really?"

"Yes." Jasper answered curtly. 

Pearl took a small moment of consideration. "Well, I hope you two had fun..." Pearl said, trying to hide her skepticism with a warm positivity. 

"It was nice!" Amethyst said, plopping up onto the newly cleaned counter top. Pearl let out a small annoyed mumble but otherwise continued on finishing the rest of the counter top.

Jasper was still standing by the warp. She found she couldn't bring herself to move. She just stood there and watched the two gems just....be. Amethyst was still engrossed in her device, but she had this most sincere smile on her face as it was slightly lit up by the light of the screen.

And the Pearl, was so nimble as she scrubbed away with a cloth. Her smile was soft and satisfied. Every so often the Amethyst would lean over and show something on the device to the Pearl and they both would chuckle or the Pearl would admonish the Amethyst for what she was looking at. 

How long had she been watching them? She should have been back at her cave by now. Safe in the woods. Working on her training! Doing something that's truly satisfying! 

"Jasper? Did you want to stay for a bit? You can sit down, if you'd like." Pearl said, gesturing toward the couch. 

They had noticed. Dammit! 

Jasper gave a small nod and feeling uneasy, sat. She placed her hands on her knees and just turned her head up toward the stairs. How long until her Diamond come down? Is it a busy day for him? Maybe he needed her for something....?

Pearl looking up from giving the cabinets a good once over, looked at Jasper's pained look up the stairs. 

"Steven's gone until late afternoon, Jasper."

"Oh." Jasper let her head drop down to her chest. She needed to get up and leave! Tell them they're weak and stupid and go back to the cave! 

But she didn't. She just sat there. Amethyst put her earth device down and turned her attention to Jasper. 

"How you doin' over there, sis?"

"...Fine."

Jasper turned her eyes up at Amethyst, meeting her gaze for first time in, she can't remember how long. Usually eye contact was saved for intimidation or instruction. But now, it felt like a challenge. Jasper wanted to know if she was still strong enough to look someone one in the eye. 

But she flinched.

She really has gotten weak...Jasper dropped her head into her hands and sat there for a moment, feeling Amethyst's eyes on her. 

"I'm fine. Okay?" Jasper said through her fingers. 

"Jasper, have you ever been to a grocery store?" Pearl suddenly asked. 

Jasper lifted her head and looked up at her. She was putting away her cleaning items and washing her hands in the sink. 

"A what?"

"A grocery store. It's a place humans go to get supplies. I have to run there this morning. Would you like to come?" Pearl said, gently closing the cabinet door under the sink. 

Jasper turned her eyes to Amethyst and looked at her a moment. 

"Amethyst can come too if you want her to." Pearl said, gently. 

Amethyst gave a gentle nod and smiled at Jasper. Jasper turned her eyes back on Pearl. 

"Okay. I'll come."


	4. Chapter 4

The van rode lower to the ground than usual. Jasper's weight had dipped the chastise of the Earth vehicle down to within inches from the asphalt. She sat, cross legged, in the back while the Pearl drove and the Amethyst was in the seat in front of her. 

Jasper stared out the front windscreen and caught glimpses of human dwellings. Each one was so much like the last one but just the little bit different. As they leisurely made their way through the quiet streets, Amethyst started talking with Pearl. 

The conversation sounded like white noise to Jasper as she simply looked at Earthlings through the glass of a car window. Jasper felt it. The smooth sensation of motion but sitting still. Space travel used to give her the same sensations. The same slow soothing sensation of moving forward. 

Jasper closed her eyes a moment and felt it. Savored it. 

But after what felt like, to Jasper, to be a much too short of a time, the van slowed and squeaked to a stop. Pearl pulled the parking brake up, turned off the vehicle and then clapped her hands together excitedly. 

"Well, here we are!" Pearl said, quickly opening her door and climbing out. Amethyst quickly followed suit. Jasper turned around and scooted her way to the back door. She sat for a moment and took a deep breath. She gently pulled the latch and felt the door snap open. 

Jasper climbed out and surveyed the area. She watched a couple gems and a few humans walk out of a building together, laughing and talking. She let some air hiss from from between her teeth and looked up at the huge red letters stuck to the front of the store. 

"Garmin's Groceries..." Jasper read aloud to herself, shutting the back door to the van with a firm slam. 

Pearl lifted a finger in the air as she and Amethyst started to make their way to the rack of carts near the entrance. "Now Amethyst like I said I'm not getting another five pound tub of licorice candy!"

"What? It's for the students!"

"That's what you always say, but nobody ever seems to get any but you..."

Their conversation faded from Jasper's earshot. She just stared at them fuss and push each other and laugh. She slowly cut straight thorough the parking lot toward the entrance and found herself waiting for the other two for a moment at the automatic door.

They entered the store and Jasper was hit with the distinct smell of human. Amethyst nearly instantly ran toward the piles of fresh baked goods. Jasper looked over the place and saw each aisle marking. Markings with words like "Cleaning Supplies" "Rice" and "Pickles". Jasper assumed it was all just stuff humans crammed into their mouths. 

Pearl pulled a small notebook from her gem and placed it in the top compartment of the cart and gave Jasper a small smile. "So, Jasper what we need here are some eggs for Steven's breakfast, along with some produce. And some snacks and juice for the quartzes' volleyball games."

"You'd like those Jasper! it's a lot of pushing and shouting and rubbing your victories in other people's noses! It's super fun!" 

"I don't like other quartzes." Jasper said bluntly. 

Amethyst looked up from pressing her face to the bakery counter with a look of feigned heartbreak. "Oh, Jassssppperrr even little ole me???"

Jasper scoffed and drooped her head. Amethyst let out a small laugh and patted Jasper on the side, as if to reassure her she wasn't upset. Why would Jasper care if this runt was upset at her? Her 'sister' was diminutive and weak. Small. Pathetic. But still...Why did she care?

"Come along you two! I have a class to teach this afternoon!" Pearl said firmly as she had made her way nearly out of the bakery section. 

"Yeah yeah yeah..." Amethyst said, following after Pearl and Jasper following closely behind. 

Jasper watched as Amethyst tried to slyly put a full display box of chocolates into the cart while Pearl, simply grabbed it and put it back when Amethyst was distracted by something else. 

Pearl lead the them all slowly through this aisle or that, all the while humming to herself, grabbing a thing here or there, and checking things off on her list. Amethyst walked beside Jasper, letting her hand run over the various packages on the shelves. Jasper crossed her arms as they walked. 

This was dull but not unpleasant, Jasper thought. Dull but not unpleasant. Is that what life is like on Earth? A real life on Earth? 

Amethyst palmed a bundle of some fruit and quickly ate it in one gulp, while Jasper watched from the corner of her eye. 

"Why do you eat?" Jasper asked, her eyes still locked on Pearl pushing the cart in front of them. 

Amethyst smiled. "I dunno! It's fun, I guess?"

Jasper scoffed and then looked up at the high ceilings of the produce section a while. "...What's it like?" Jasper suddenly asked. 

Amethyst's eyes lit up. She shook with joy for a moment before leaning in toward Jasper. "Do you wanna try?!" 

Jasper turned to look down on the tiny quartz. The excitement on her face made Jasper uneasy. Jasper gripped the side of her uniform tightly a moment. "Yes." She huffed. 

Amethyst started to bounce up and down and squeal with delight at the prospect of Jasper eating food. Jasper immediately regretted opening her mouth at all. She shouldn't even entertain the idea. But there was something strange about her since her shattering. Nothing felt right. It felt like Jasper was staggering through the world not even sure if she knew what she was made for. 

She felt reborn without purpose. 

Jasper shook her sudden internal chatter and spoke quickly. "Don't make a big deal out of this, runt! I'm just....curious..."

Amethyst gave a hearty nod. "Right, right right. I get ya..." Amethyst raised her arms up behind her head as she spoke. "Any idea what you'd want to try?" 

Jasper turned her eyes to the piles of strange earth fruits and vegetables. Jasper pointed a finger at a pile of shiny red things neatly stacked onto each other. "What are these?"

"Tomatoes!" 

"Hmm....what do they do?"

"Do?"

"...What are the point of them?"

"I dunno....uh....humans need food to stay alive, but uh...they don't do anything. They taste good though! Pop these babies in a big ole salad with some lettuce, some carrots, maybe some motor oil for dressing!" Amethyst put pulled one of her arms down from behind her head and put her hand to her lips as she made a smacking noise. "Superb!"

Jasper knelt down to get a closer look at these 'tomatoes'. As she leaned in, she could see herself reflected in shades of red on their surface. The broken marking over her eyes still felt strange. After thousands of years of grinding, never ending, sameness to have her form change so radically in such a short few years was still jarring. 

"Did you wanna eat one?" Amethyst asked. 

"I dunno..." Jasper looked up at the dozen or so humans (and Pearl) milling about in the area. Too many eyes. What if she looked foolish? What if she did it wrong? Jasper took a sharp inhale. "No....not here."

"That's okay! Listen! I can just grab a few bags and we can pick out whatever you wanna try back at the house."

Jasper took a moment and nodded. Amethyst grabbed a bundle of tomatoes on a vine and slid them into a thin plastic bag and spun it closed. She then gently grabbed Jasper by the hand and led her along the multicolored array of fresh earth foods. Jasper would lift a finger to something and Amethyst would dutifully put them into their own little bag. 

Soon they made their way back to Pearl and the cart with six or sevens bags of fruit and vegetables. "And what is all this?" Pearl asked. 

Amethyst gently slipped the bags into the cart. "Its stuff Jasper wanted to try!" Amethyst said with a grin. 

"Oh! Really? How very nice!" Pearl said, with a gentle enthusiasm."You know, I'm not one for eating, but it's nice to see you trying something new, Jasper!"

Jasper scoffed and dropped her head. "Whatever...don't make this weirder...."

* * * * * *

Back at the beach house Jasper laid all of the fruits and vegetables on the table in the kitchen while Pearl put away the groceries. Amethyst grabbed a plate and a knife from the cupboards. 

"Now my technique is usually to just eat it all down at once, but since this is your first time trying to eat, I think we can cut some of this stuff into pieces."

"Okay." Jasper tried to hide her trepidation but it was all through her voice. 

"Which one you wanna try first?"

Jasper surveyed the options a moment and gestured toward a small red and yellow thing in front of her. "That."

"Ah. An apple! The classic!" She softly giggled to herself and picked up the fruit and held it in the palm of her hand as she gently cut a small slice out of it with the knife. She then held the slice out for Jasper to take. 

Jasper held the piece of apple pinched between her thumb and index finger. She stared at it a moment. "How...do I? uh.."

"Oh! You gotta shape shift yourself a stomach and junk! Can you shape-shift?"

"Of course I can shape-shift!" Jasper yelled. 

"Okay dude, chill. I'm just making sure. I've never seen you do it, so I wasn't sure."

Jasper hung her head a little and turned her eyes away from Amethyst. Jasper hasn't even tried to shape-shift in five thousand years. She did it once or twice with the other quartzes before.....Pink Diamond went away....

"...what does this 'stomach' stuff do?"

"Oh! So when a human eats a thing it goes down this long tube at the back of their throats and goes into a thing called a stomach! It's like a big sack full of acid that food goes after they chew it! It gets like all dissolved in the acid and passed through their bodies!"

"Wellll, this discussion is getting much too graphic for me!" Pearl suddenly said from across the kitchen. She gently closed a cupboard door and headed toward the warp pad. "I need to be heading to the school anyway! Have fun with your eating thing, you two!" 

"Bye, P!" Amethyst said with a wave as Pearl disappeared into a beam of bright white light. "Oh!" Amethyst quickly pulled out her earth device from her pocket. "Lemme look up a picture on my phone. like a little diagram or somethin'...Ah! Here we are!"

Amethyst put the phone toward Jasper, who slightly leaned down to look at the screen. "Try and make one of these!" Amethyst said.

"...okay..." Jasper took a moment and imagined the stomach thing inside of her. Her form began to glow from her gut but suddenly the glow stopped. Jasper clenched her eyes shut and demanded her body create what she wanted. 

The memory of quartzes laughing as their bodies grew and shrank and elongated and shriveled flooded Jasper's mind. They fell on each other and held each other close. Shifting to look like each other and playing games...Those moments never lasted......and then for Jasper they stopped entirely. 

Jasper noticed she must have been lost in some other place, because Amethyst had pulled her phone down to her side and was just looking up at her. "You okay, sis?"

"Yes.....can we just do this without the stupid shape-shifting?" 

Amethyst gave a small smile. "Of course. You can still taste stuff....but I recommend you spit it out otherwise you get like rotting food in your body and believe me, it's only fun for a little while..."

Jasper took a look down at Amethyst and then back to the apple slice. "Okay...." Jasper slowly raised the food to her mouth and took a deliberate bite of it. She swirled the chunk of apple around her mouth a little as she chewed. 

"Well?"

"I hate it." 

Amethyst let out a loud giggle. "You wanna try something else?"

"Yes."


End file.
